Mama Mia!

6.) (?) Have you seen the commercial with the elephant who borrows his handler's Mastercard and buys comfort items to help him through his cold? At first I thought, "How heartwarming and cozy!" But then...it started to bother me. It was way too easy for that elephant to breeze throught the shops, pick up his purchases, and wave his handler's Paypass at the register. Nobody thought it was odd to have an elephant in the store, nobody asked him for I.D. Doesn't that bother you? In future, when visiting elephants at the zoo or the circus, keep an eye on your wallet, and especially your Mastercard. And be suspicious, very suspicious, if you recieve a statement which includes a huge peanut purchase. But, seriously, doesn't the idea of a Paypass unnerve you?

I think I was up to 4.) Has technology made our lives easier, or just a helluva lot more complicated? Sure, I'm happy that I don't have to haul our dirty laundry down to the stream and beat the clothes against a rock to get them clean and April fresh. But, with the advent of the electric washing machine and dryer, people realized they could have more clothes, since washing didn't take a whole day. More clothes--more laundry! Oh, and did I mention the need for more and larger closets? In order to buy homes with more and larger closets, more income is needed. To get more income, the women have to join the workforce, which in turn, leaves things, like laundry, to pile up until someone has a chance to address them... Which leads me to... 5.) Are women really better off now than they were, say, a hundred years ago? If I were to answer that now (remember, irritable is the word o...

First of all, the questions are burning because it's 115 degrees fahrenheit out there and pretty much everything is burning: hands on the steering wheel, feet on the pavement, eggs on the sidewalk... I think you get it. Irritability is the word of the day, no, make that the word of the seaon. Now, about those QUESTIONS! 1.) Who decided that females should be smooth, hairless creatures? C'mon now! How unfair to those of us who can trace half of our genes to passengers who arrived at Ellis Island on a boat from Napoli?! Whoever made that decision, no doubt, founded a razor blade empire and laughed all the way to the bank, where a smooth, hairless blonde teller accepted his deposit, not knowing the anguish suffered by her Mediterranean brunette counterparts. 2.) Why is it that in great works of literature, an adulterous woman always suffers a slow, painful, torturous death, usual...

June 12, 2007 - Tuesday Mud, grime, mold, mildew, dust--certainly no one will argue that these are "dirty" words. Heck! Watch any amount of daytime television to ascertain that fact. Advertisers are smitten with those words and compel unsuspecting consumers to wage war against them with any number of new and improved products. But, I've come here to tell you about the "dirtiest" word of them all--and it has nothing to do with the opposite of clean. (Or sex.) Are you ready? Can you handle it? Brace yourself! It's summer. The kids are out of school. I am out of school. I have all the time in the world (in between swim practice, basketball practice, the teen volunteer program at the library, etc.)t...

May 28, 2007 - Monday Just when you think that things are going your way... Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water (cue the theme from "Jaws")... Just when you're starting to feel just a tad comfy with that big employment move you're about to make... (Theme music crescendos!) The ride starts spinning faster and faster and faster. Your cheeks are doing their best to slide off your face. You can't move your head. That hot dog is inching its way back up your esophagus. You're pinned to the back wall. (Sound fx--CRUNCH! Simulating a well-placed shark bite.) And then the floor drops out from under you! (SCREEEAM!) (DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE MIXED METAPHORS?) That's sort of how I f...

May 19, 2007 - Saturday My muse might be on "vacay", but I'm not. To loosely quote the Stanley Tucci character from "The Devil Wears Prada"--I'm girding my loins. This upcoming week, mes amis, is going to be, how you say, a bitch! It's the last week of yet another school year. Okay, I know, I'm a teacher. I get the summer off, sort of. (And yes, I know, your 6th grade teacher told you never to end a sentence with a preposition, but I'm allowed to because. Well, just because. There, I broke a few more rules. Sue me!) But, it's the only way we keep our sanity. Back to this upcoming week...grades are due in the computer by Tuesday afternoon. I still have stacks of papers and projects ...

April 16, 2007 - Monday Okay, it was my birthday. We had 2 free movie tickets courtesy of Safeway (you know, buy ten overpriced frozen items during promotion time and you earn "free" movie tickets.) So, after stuffing our faces at dinner, we cruise over to the movie theater without a plan. "300" was one of the few movies that I wanted to see--the trailer was intriguing--so that was our pick. I always enjoy a good epic. But "300" is not just an epic--it's an epic with wall-to-wall genuine, original (at least I hope they were't computer generated) hot-bodied men, with well-defined six packs and rippling thigh muscles. Not only that, but Gerard Butler, the actor playing King Leonidas, has ...